There is a good chance you may know a man or two in your life that could benefit from therapy, but they may not receive the help they need. There are many reasons why men may hesitate to seek professional help, but it’s important to encourage their mental health.
Why men are hesitant to seek help
There are many reasons why men may avoid seeking therapy:
- Pride. Many men have been taught from an early age that they need to rely on themselves to “handle” their emotions. What they may not understand is that depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues aren’t solely their feelings or emotions. They are diagnosable mental health conditions that require therapy.
- Unawareness. They may not recognize that the symptoms they feel are connected to legitimate mental health concerns. They may underestimate the severity of their issue and how it is negatively impacting their overall well-being.
- Stigma. The negative stigma of mental health issues on average is felt more by men than by women. That’s because traditionally, men are discouraged from expressing vulnerability. Instead, men are taught that they need to be “in control,” “strong,” and self-reliant.” Instead of admitting they need help, they may fear being judged as being weak or ineffective. Instead, they bury their feelings, keep a stiff upper lip, and power through their challenges.
- Toxic masculinity. When some men face certain mental health challenges, their first instinct may be to “man up,” “don’t be a girl,” and “face it like a man.” It is a way in which some men are brought up and expected to behave in society. This involves three core attributes: toughness, anti-femininity, and power, each of which can cause them to avoid seeking therapy.
Recognizing the warning signs
The symptoms of mental health issues are the same in both men and women and may include sadness, hopelessness, sleeplessness, fatigue, and thoughts of suicide. However, these symptoms affect men differently. It isn’t clear why, but it could be due to different brain chemistry, hormones, or life experiences. When symptoms arise in men, they often try to handle their issues on their own by fixing them externally. Have you ever noticed how women speak to one another when they have something important to talk about? More often than not, women will sit face-to-face, look each other in the eye, and discuss how they feel.
On the other hand, when symptoms of a mental health issue arise, instead of talking about his feelings, he’s more apt to sit shoulder to shoulder with a friend at a bar, order a beer, and watch the game on the overhead TV. He might find a major project to do like tiling a roof and invite his friend over to help. Both men will work intensely on the project, then sit side by side on the roof, both feeling good about their accomplishment. That approach doesn’t help him if he has a serious mental health issue that needs professional help. Here are some symptoms of a more serious mental health issue:
- Escapist behavior such as working long hours
- Spending a lot of time playing sports
- Drinking heavily
- Engaging in sex with a large number of romantic partners
- Risky or aggressive behavior such as reckless driving
- Controlling, abusive, or violent behavior
Men may also exhibit physical symptoms such as non-specific pain, headache, digestive issues, mood changes, and decreased appetite.
Ignoring symptoms can have serious consequences
Approximately one in 10 men experience some form of depression and anxiety, yet less than half seek treatment. Men are four times more likely to take their own lives as women, and even though they make up half of the population, men account for nearly 80% of suicides. When a man faces mental health issues, it can make him feel inadequate, frustrated, and isolated. You may notice that he seems more withdrawn, irritable, or even aggressive. Unaddressed mental health issues can affect his overall health, relationships, and work.
What can we do to encourage men’s mental health?
Recognizing the symptoms of mental health issues in men is one thing. Broaching the subject is another. Here are a few strategies you can use to start the conversation:
- Avoid talking about their feelings. Societal pressures often discourage men from expressing their emotions, because they may feel vulnerable and less manly. You might have more success if you pose a question as, “What do you think about …” instead of, “How do you feel about …” Asking questions about feelings tends to work better with women than with men. You may have more success approaching the situation in a solution-oriented manner.
- Don’t force the issue. If he’s not willing to open up to you immediately, let him know you are an ear to bend. Just don’t ignore his symptoms. You might invite him for a bite to eat or share an activity he enjoys. Let him know you’re a safe person he can trust.
- Don’t underestimate the power of toxic masculinity. Due to the negative stigma surrounding mental health, men may see having mental health issues as weak and “unmanly.” Let him know it’s okay to overlook certain societal norms of how men typically address mental health issues. Let them know you care, despite what others may think.
- Remember, this isn’t you. Even if the person you love has hurt you, the conversation should be focused on him and his mental well-being. Feelings of rejection and low self-esteem can really affect men. Put your feelings on the back burner and try to get to the bottom of what’s bothering him.
One of the best things you can do for the men in your life is to encourage them to seek therapy when they’re struggling. They may push back initially, but consider providing him with some therapist’s names and, if possible, male support groups.
If you or a man in your life is struggling with mental health concerns, please reach out to us. At Wallace Family Therapy, we offer several mental health services including individual therapy, couples therapy, and group therapy. We are highly trained to provide the most effective treatment that meets your individual needs and challenges. We’re here to help you.
